It's true: I've been neglecting my LJ like I'm being paid to. But what better way than to break out of the funk with some good, down home, meme action?! This one is the ~*Cell Phone Meme*~ that's been making the rounds.

And it comes (as far as I know) from barkinmad.

1. Grab Your Phone.
Well, I'm just going to hold it. Me and my phone aren't like that.

2. What is the 3rd picture of in your phone?
A picture of my cat peeking out from behind my computer:

You see, when she is hungry? She stares at me. Just stares. For hours, if necessary. And I wanted some documentation of this phenomenon.

3. What's your ringtone?
I use "Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him) Goodbye," by Steam. Why? It's the song they play at Comiskey Park US Cellular Field, when an opposing pitcher gets taken out of the game for sucking. Nancy Faust (the older lady I'd probably bang—HEY! WE ALL HAVE ONE! organist) played it on a whim one night, in the late '70s. It caught on, and is now a tradition at the park—even though Nancy only works part time, these days. I loves my White Sox.

4. Who's the 1st person that comes up under M?
Maggie, a colleague of mine from UIC, who now teaches at some small college in Minnesota. She probably has a different number, up there. I think I might be able to delete this one from my contacts.

5. Who's the last person you called? On purpose?
LOL, does checking my bank balance count? If so, then it was the Chase Bank automated system. If not, then it was my parents.

6. Who was your last missed call from?
I don't even know, it's some strange number from my area code. But I didn't recognize it, so I didn't answer it. Because if I don't know your number, I'm not going to. Leave a message, h00rs! Also, that is what woke me up, this morning. So that's TWO things this number has going against it.

7. Who's the 1st person who comes up under C?
Cecelia, my awesome cousin. I don't think I have any pictures of her to share, but that's probably for the best, as she's a freaking knockout. And I don't want to be the one responsible for giving her cyber-stalkers. Assuming she doesn't have some already, that is.

8. Who's your speed dial number 2?
Dieter, one of my oldest friends. He lives in San Francisco, now. LOL, I just felt like a grandma going through a photo album for her guests, when I typed that last sentence.

9. What does 3rd text in your your inbox say?
"Wow. This movie has the worst dialogue EVER."
LOL, WHO COULD HAVE SENT IT? IT'S A ~*MYSTERY*~ FOR THE AGES!

10. Who was your last received call from?
My mommy. She was telling me about some volunteer opportunities in Hawai'i. It could get a lot worse than that.

11. What does your 2nd sentbox text say?
"OK, here's where I'm NOT calling you, even though I should. I decided to be nice today. But I'm still enough of a cock to let you KNOW how nice I am being.

XD"
LOL, THE ~*MYSTERY*~ CONTINUES.

12. How many messages are currently in your inbox?
24. But, to be fair, this phone is only two months old.

13. What is the wallpaper?
Another picture of my cat! Look, here she is:

ISN'T SHE FUCKING ADORABLE?! SHUT YER FACE, YOU KNOW SHE IS!!

14. Who's speed dial number 1?
Um, my voicemail? You know, just like EVERY cell phone I've EVER owned? This meme is not very bright, is it?

15. Who is the 15th message from in your inbox?
My friend Jessica. It's a REAL ~informative~ message, too; it says, "K" …as in, "OK." WHAT DID WE EVER DO BEFORE TEXTING?!

16. Who's the 1st person who comes up under B?
b-w3 Chicago, the bar for which I used to toil, during my early- and mid-twenties. Great food, though.

17. How many bars of signal do you currently have?
IDK, it depends. This new-fangled phone has two sets of bars, and I don't understand why. Anyhow, something called "EV" has 1 bar, while something called "1x" has 3 bars. So whatever that means.

18. What network are you on?
Verizon. I used to have US Cellular. I really liked them, and sometimes miss them, but they're not really national, so that's a problem. Also, I like how Verizon lets me talk to other Verizon customers for free. And they're not bad, either. US Cellular was just a tad bit more customer service oriented, and I enjoyed that. Plus, they sponsor the White Sox, and that's always good.

19. Name every person you have a message from in your inbox.
LOL, this won't be too hard for me. I have a small texting cricle. There is only Shawn, Simone, and Jess, at the moment.

20. What does your 6th text message in your inbox say?
"This sucks." Actually, I added the period. But this is from my sister's boyfriend Shawn, who was trying to leave somewhere before he was able to and agonizing about having to wait around.

21. Who is the first person in your contacts?
Alexs, another colleague from grad school that I could probably afford to erase. But Alexs was a cool guy. We once went to a semi-professional rugby game together. It was lots of fun and we got EXTREMELY drunk for an investment of only $10! What I learned is this: rugby and drinking are two halves of the same coin.

22. Who is the last name in your contacts?
Aside from the Voicemail, #PMT, #MIN, #BAL—which I'm not counting, by the way—the last contact is WSCR 670 The Score, a local sports radio station that I'll text or call from time to time. Because who doesn't want to win Bulls playoff tickets? Well, they wouldn't do much good now, perhaps. But a month ago, that would've been a kickass prize.

23. What does the last text in your inbox say?
"Got straightener Tuesday nite and used it gratefully on Wednesday. Earthquake in south America?"
BUT WHAT DOES IT ~*MEAN???*~ Also, LOL, Honduras and Belize are NOT South America. I had a chuckle over that one.

24. What is your screensaver?
Um, on my PHONE??? Now, it is a new phone, but it's not one of those $400 jobs. My phone does not have screensavers.

25. What is your balance?
Yeah, I don't worry about all that. My phone payments are automatically deducted each month, so I don't really check my balance.

26. Who's the last person under H?
LOL, no H contacts in my phone. Sorry.

27. What is your bluetooth name?
It's very interesting! It's called "Samsung WEP700-2." It's called "-2" because I already had a Samsung WEP700, that I LOST. In fact, I have already discovered that bluetooth devices will be the bane of my existence, for several years to come. In the 6 weeks since I've had this phone, I've already lost TWO bluetooths (blueteeth?). THEY'RE SO FUCKING SMALL AND EASILY MISPLACED! YOU SUCK, CELL PHONE PEDDLERS! Yeah… I fail, I know.

28. How many numbers are in your phone?
HA! Are you fucking serious? No way. No way am I counting all my numbers. I'll just say "a whole bunch," and move on to the next question.

29. Could you live without it?
Well, considering that my cell phone doubles as my watch and that I've lost the well-honed art of Remembering Phone Numbers—which is something that those of us 25 and over remember well, from back in the day—I'm going to say, "No."

ETA: I'VE DECIDED TO ACTUALLY INCLUDE THE PICTURES OF MY CAT I MADE REFERENCE TO, SO NOW THEY ARE IN THERE. BUT THEY ARE HUGE. GOOD DAY TO YOU.

ETA2: THEY ARE NO LONGER HUGE. I FIGURED OUT HOW TO MAKE THEM REGULAR-SIZED. CARRY ON.